As of Lately...

We had a great Christmas!

Bryant (and Carl) got snowboarding lessons. (Carl also got an in dash nav installed in his mustang....)

Dalton and Rylan got a sweet power wheels jeep.

I got a new mac. :)

The late night assembling followed by the 6:30 am morning was too much for my pregnant body, so I spent the morning on the couch throwing up in a bowl so I could watch the boys' open their presents. This pregnancy could not end soon enough.

We packed up and headed out the next day for Utah. I spent the majority of the week recovering from Christmas and sleeping off the late night drive, but the boys went on a plane ride in my uncle's plane (Rylan got air sick and threw up- glad I wasn't there :), they went shooting and had fun trying out all my Dad's guns, they had a sleepover with Aunt Kiersten, Uncle Chris and Treyson, and had all kinds of projects with Grandpa.

I did feel well enough by the end of the week to dump the kids off with Nonnie and Grandpa (My parents) and do dinner and a movie with Carl. And we were able to squeeze in Skyler's (my brother Korban and his wife, Vanessa's new baby boy) baby blessing just as we drove out of town. Kiersten and Chris followed us home and hung out a few days before heading off to Chris's brother's wedding.

Christmas was great, but it's taken me weeks to recover and left me exhausted and overwhelmed feeling. I have a pretty laid back life right now, Bryant and Dalton are in school all day and Rylan is gone 12 hours a week, but I still feel the pressure to get my nursery together and my scrapbooking caught up before baby gets here, and it seems overwhelming, which is not a normal feeling for me. I rarely feel overwhelmed or stressed. Stupid pregnancy side effects.

I am supposed to be prepping and painting the nursery right now, but I woke up feeling queazy, so I'm letting my breakfast settle a bit before I jump in.

I've figured, after 4 pregnancies, that part of the reason that my pregnancies are so traumatic for me, is that all of the hormones most women get post partum that causes the 'baby blues' or depression, hit me while I'm pregnant. Once the baby gets here, it's like, "hallelujah! I know what to do with this little thing!" but while I'm pregnant, I'm weepy and overwhelmed and just sad and upset all the time, for no reason. And this is in addition to being exhausted and queazy or throwing up, so it makes for a very long 9 months. I think I might even suffer from a very mild form of PTSD from my pregnancies. When I hear someone is pregnant, I'm not very excited for them, I'm thinking too much about how sick they are and how sorry I feel for them that they are pregnant. I've been asked if pregnancies like these run in my family, but I don't really know. My sister had easy, not sick pregnancies, but we have different mothers. I know my mother's mom was really sick, but I really have no idea how my mother's pregnancies were and I get a different story from everyone I ask.

It doesn't really matter. This is the last one, and it's a girl and the sacrifice made for each of my children has been well worth it. It will feel so good to be done and complete. just over 3 months to go.

Lately I have been following the blog of an old childhood friend. (you can follow it too, find it here.) I posted a link about their family in one of my earlier posts. Two of his 5 children were diagnosed a few months ago with Leaky SCIDS, which is the bubble boy disease. They don't have regular immune systems and what immune systems they do have, attack their bodies instead of the diseases. These two little girls have spent much of their young lives in the hospital battling the normal diseases that our immune systems take care of. This year begins a new life for them. They are each undergoing (Natalie-8, has already had hers) bone marrow transplants which is preceded by chemo to kill off all the bad stuff. As I spend day after day, tired, achy, upset and queasy, I can't help of these two little girls whose days are so much worst, and have years of isolation before their lives can get back to normal. It was the grandmother of these two little girls who bought wigs for my mother when she had her chemo 25 years ago, so I couldn't shake the feeling of needing to do something. I watched as Natalie spent her Christmas, throwing up too. But, it was when her Dad shaved his head and then what was left of her hair on New Years, that I knew what I needed to do. I called and spoke to her Grandmother and then put my plan in action. I found and purchased quite a few soft, crocheted beanies, for each girl and then gathered all the young women in my church, told them the story and enlisted their help. About 25 of my girls showed up and we made hair clips: bows, flowers, etc that could be clipped on the hats. We filled a huge shoebox full for each girl! I sanitized everything- to protect their precious immune systems, and wrapped them and shipped them off yesterday along with the picture I took of all the yw. They were wearing hats and had hidden their hair up in their hats. A group of beautiful, hairless, hat topped girls. How therapeutic it felt to provide service for someone else. I feel more like I can handle the nursery and scrapbooking now. And hopefully, these little girls will have a bright spot in one of their long days.

I guess it's time to take a pill and paint a nursery.